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Difficult Choices
One of the hardest things you could ever do is to make a decision between what is right, and what is comfortable.
How do you know, Kelly? Have you made such a decision before?
Yes, I have. In fact, early december, I had to face what was one of the toughest dilemmas I've ever faced in my life so far: to end my relationship with Sandra, my girlfriend of 6 years.
Many people come away hearing about this with a sense of disbelief: Sandra and I were a 'golden couple'. We rarely fought, we looked cute together, and in many ways our life seemed to be in tandem. We expected to be engaged in a couple of years, too. And many people around us was sure that we'd eventually end up together.
And me? I've truly cherished my time with her very, very much.
Yet for a long time, there were things that gnawed at me for a long time. Sandra and I got together at a very early age. We practically 'grew up' together, with either of us going through important phases of our life with each other. As time went on, I realised that I wanted to see more of the world, more of other people and other experiences. But life with Sandra was all I knew. In our relationship, we have become stagnant and have stopped growing. I knew that settling down would only see me unhappy and discontent, and it would only be a matter of time when I would wander off on my own.
So what to do - To face the pain now and grow? Or live in ignorant bliss and pay for the consequences later?
In the end, I chose the former. The process was painful, and even till now the pain haunts me. The mornings of the following weeks were the worst, as the reality that Sandra is no longer in my life sets in every single day. Yet deep inside my soul, I find release and a deep seated calm: I know now that I can move forward to experience life in richer, fuller ways, and grow from that experience - for the only reality in the world is to keep growing.
I've learnt so much since: of how much something means to me and how it's only apparent when I've let it go; of sadness and how I can get in touch with my feelings; but more importantly, knowing what I truly want and staying true to it, no matter how painful a decision I have to make.
In this new year, Life will have much more in store for me (and even you, perhaps) and the time will come when I will have to make bigger, grander decisions.
Yet I will always choose what is true to myself, and that which will help me to grow.
posted by Kelly Lim @ Tuesday, January 30, 2007
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